On the way to the promised land or in completing the various stages of Christian growth that can be exemplified in Mark 4, you meet all kinds; literally. Mark 4 is mirrored by Matthew 4. The last stage is submission to the word in the purpose and intention of service. This is how the Lord passed the test in Matthew 4 only to be tempted again. This is how the seed bears the fruit. Your goal is to become the seed that produces some fruit and if you don't quit, you will understand the verse that says "one waters the seed, one plants it but God causes the growth-1st Corinthians 3:6-9." But, maybe you will quit, take the cash envelope to throw the school chess or school ping pong championship or you can keep breathing and growing in faith. Salt just relaxes and moon light gracefully reflects inner light. I changed the channel and put it on the soccer channel or UFC channel. What is inside of you right now? What did you just listen to for an hour? What did you watch for 3 minutes. Yes. That music video is very uh au natural. Did you meet the female viagro addict who says you would have been lucky to tap her on the shoulder after church before the 68 year old retiree but she could not guarantee that she would be faithful to keep you at the front of the line for next week? Some people use weekly service as a fountain of youth(Psalms 92) while they remain in a wilderness seeking close encounters of a fornicating concupiscence and no commitment) kind. What's wrong with a commitment to the 90 year old or the other one where you attend church together and grow in grace as a God fearing couple and serve? Read Hebrews 1-4. Be patient with them in your denomination(... also referred to as your Messianic Jewish Fellowship. See Romans 9,10,11 and 12 and. Acts 15). Jesus exited the tomb as a Jew. Read Hebrews 9. Oh yes. What verse says that fornicators and adulterers shall not enter the Kingdom? Just choose one nice gentleman, grow, heal and be known while you enjoy safety in a faithful relationship. Maybe you will have a public ceremony some day to commemorate your private wedding(s) where you gave him a shirt with the French cuffs; the ones that really excite you(a ceremony is not a wedding but it is a public declaration of a physical and emotional commitment) and that make you feel close but you are not alone it seems these days in really enjoying natural bonding I suppose. What about commitment these days or are you just seeking decent and well dressed "roller coaster" excitement in a church lobby? We can fall down and get back up but is there a limit? Read Jude. Even Christ refused to tempt God and presume His salvation and position as savior in denying grace, common sense or safe footing. Everybody is afraid of disappointment but you should not take your fears and claim to successfully moderate the risk with what you have claimed as a pack of disposable husbands in the lobby.