Jesus said "...go and sin no more." Will you accept Jesus' grace sincerely and thankfully? Why beat yourself up? Just don't forget how sad you felt when conscience and consequence kicks in. As much as you are called to forgive others to avoid torment, you are also called to forgive yourself in a sincere conscience when you have made that mistake.

Judas betrayed Christ. Paul Crucified Christians. Essentially, they committed the same sin against the Prince of Peace, persecuting Him.  While Judas' conscience led to his sense of conviction, he did not receive grace and condemned himself with torment to the point of suicide.  Paul accepted grace, forgave himself in light of his conscience and denied the pattern of self-torment( the devil's trap of tricking your good intentions into a habit of refusing self-forgiveness in addition to God’s forgiveness). If you do not forgive yourself, you are rejecting  Jehovah’s forgiveness. Be sincere.   It says, if you do not forgive, the tormenters will come (see Matthew 6:14-15) and then in this self-torment, you drink and smoke too much. Also, the torment of addiction comes when you will not forgive someone in your life ( that camp counselor or Grandparent against whom you hold resentment). You are drinking and smoking to find peace but you could choose the habit of forgiveness in the quiet of your heart instead of the habit of addictions. The addictions feed fleeting and temporary feelings of peace  from torment while the habit of forgiveness will give you a long-lasting peace.  You can repent right now and no matter what you've done, people will respect your firm decision. See Paul.   Judas tormented Himself  and committed suicide while Paul served and submitted to Christ. They were both guilty of persecuting the Prince of Peace. Paul passed the exam in Mark 4.  He went on to write Romans 8.     You should forgive yourself for the most innocuous of experiences that may entail borrowing your Grandpa's favorite football porcelain figure of a Glasgow Celtic player just to pay for some ice cream. He may not have forgiven you but God did if you confessed. You need to forgive yourself. You pawned it.  He might have been an angry Adventist who taught you that God was great and terrible fire breathing God, but read Romans 8 and Psalms 27:10. That is the true version of Jehovah and not the "scary" version. Jehovah desires the same sincerity  that you desire from your children; that is if you forgot your chores.  It might take some getting used to. You were raised with a God of torment and judgment as a Seven Day Adventist.  Read Mark 3 and Ephesians 2:8.