Just go ahead, you from Potters Bar, and have sex if you want. Tell us about your childhood and your upbringing.  You must have thought anything English must feel like molestation or sex at the back of the pub if you are asked and you can't say no because of the need. as an immigrant second generation daughter, for the association and the possible favor. You could have seen the favor in staying with your first husband, being faithful to him as the father of your children and taking all the favor this endowed upon you as a local council employee.  You should not have used that loving young man's essays as stolen by his uncle. As such, your BA in English Literature and Sociology at 2:2 is forfeit.  Your life is not over. It's time for you to be a grandmother but don't fly all over the world trying to understand who you are as an unfaithful git; nor should you try to assimilate any book or television about faithfulness in the Brit Milah to your persistent self sabotage and self rejection. God is never tired of epiphanies so sing an epiphany instead of a rift and come to the alter or just create one where you are. Won't you come? Won't you come? Is your daughter impersonating you? Tell her to come home.