Wilberforce? Where art thou?

It was World War II and a German infantry man who just had a night with a well known lady for a pack of cigarettes as the fee and also gave her a small map of France (where he had intended to escape and kayak to Dover for a ship to the West Indies) was walking down a lane and sipping water from his canteen when a spitfire flew overhead and gunned him down. He had an unusual virus that he contracted from the well known lady of the town. He laid there all night hoping for help. As he lay there, his canteen was still in tact and sealed. The next day, the spitfires flew overhead and conflicted with his fellow infantrymen. The Germans showed angry resistance for the presumptuousness of these inferior quarter-blooded Americans( The West Indies was on the minds of most German Infantrymen for the end of the war though. They could reintegrate into the human community in time and train a natural diver or two how to be a good son of Issac- a good student or three with 20/20 vision). A French nurse was working in the area and was attempting to escape the conflict as she walked along the lane. As another Spitfire flew overhead, she jumped into the roadside ditch, saw the soldier and covered herself with him. He was bleeding all over her. She laid there all night, saw his canteen and drank some of the water. She contracted the disease from the canteen and it was quite obvious although she prayed she would heal and would eat pine cone needles in hope of healing. As the war ended, she ended up marrying an American soldier who brought her to Nebraska and used her for her European charm. He did not talk much and nor did he listen but he certainly introduced her as his wife. He was a grain salesman. Things were still a bit tight after the end of the war while the civil infrastructure was being rebuilt with good hot and cold running water. Quite often, the odd person hoped for a little extra assistance with their difficulty. He would sometimes leave his wife to finalise the sales when he was not around and she wanted to have some influence in this emerging urban sprawl where you had to drive five miles for milk at the Safeway if you did not have a goat or your own cow. The truth is that he was very attentive usually but the cultural and language barrier made communication difficult for him and her needs. She sought a lot of attention while she struggled to appreciate the simplicity of most equations. He did not have this type of relational difficulty at any time. In closing the deals, he would say "..you go and uh sign with her( his wife)." He would look through the glass of the “swinging” door to see if she would stop just at her bra and a kiss. He had lots of customers in the end.

A young man just out of the military decided to apply for a Supermarket manager's job and was quite the attendee of the popular camp meetings as promoted by the Southern Evangelists. He would pray and read his bible. His new boss liked his demeanor and went to get some grain from the older solider(grain salesman) with the European charm. The supermarket boss returned to his wife that night, kissed her after dinner that evening and then woke up with a divorce application. The boss' wife contracted something that made her stranger( what does not kill will make you stranger; maybe?) than she had ever been and was confident that her husband had cheated; just for a discount although he had hoped to buy his wife a new fur coat. The boss returned to the supermarket somewhat disgruntled and found the young man a bother now. He was just a bit too happy and it was only his bible study and one wife to whom he was faithful that might have caused this self-contentedness that might have been evident to someone like his boss who seemed to have a new problem with it. The young man could only wonder if it was his Irish Spring cologne that he bought on a 2 for 1 deal from the same supermarket at which he was employed. That was the only noted change in the young man's decorum since his first day.

The boss decided to ask if the young man thought he was some how superior or something about the way he was acting or feeling. Being unsure of what to say or what the boss meant since he only hummed "How Great Thou Art” most of the day, the young man said that he believes in Wood Chucks and funds and Hedge hogs and funds as equal entities; nothing more. He did not think he was better than anyone. There was no need to stand on the coffee grounds; that is stand your ground. The boss was not satisfied and said that he( the young man) should go and see his grain supplier and tell the supplier the boss says “...he needs some class”. Unsure of what his boss meant, he followed the instructions and told the grain supplier that the boss needs some class. The grain supplier said “... I think I know what you mean. You mean European charm. Go through there; the swinging doors.” The young man nodded with gullibility. When the young man met the grain supplier's wife, she asked him to turn around for a second while she fixed her bra. He did not peak like the others and was quite respectful. Also, she saw the red new testament sticking out of the back of his dungarees. She shook his hand and said “...Have a nice day. Take 2 for 1.” The boss, upon his return, was impressed with the result and said “...just don't boast.” The young man had no idea what he was talking about and returned home to his one wife to whom he was faithful. They enjoyed a bible study and looked at the cans they had tied previously to the back of their Volkswagen on wedding day. Cans; get it?

The boss' ex wife decided to write a book called the Huntress about a family that not only prays together but stays together with mutual long suffering. Her disease never left but she made sure that any man who would stay with her for a night as she contemplated her anger and sorrow would be equal to her and not feel superior in any gambit of her personal feelings or her sense of self estimation, comparison or self-censure. She looked at her bits quite a lot in the long mirror by herself as well. She was also the first person to design a mouth condom for women like her who became quite popular and also well known in the town. Her husbands never left and one or two were targeted by her personally as she hunted them, following them everywhere and borrowed the house keys from their hired domestics who allowed her to spit in the whiskey, sauces and milk as owned by the man of the house  his dear victimized family as kept the usual store goods in the kitchen cupboard. She was an infamous and well known lady in the town. The book, as written, was found recently in an Atlanta Library and entitled Malachi 2 As Understood with Proverbs 2,5,6,7,9, and 11.



By Warren A. Lyon.